He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
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"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
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And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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