I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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