I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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