He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
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This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
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We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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