He kissed a someone with a penis
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
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Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
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He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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