I puked a lego.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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