so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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