You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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