i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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