I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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