i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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