Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
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I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
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Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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