I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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