I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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