I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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