She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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