You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize