I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
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i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
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I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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