you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
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I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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