I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize