he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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