she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
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I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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