shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
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underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
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And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Can you bring me the toilet please
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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