I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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