Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
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He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
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So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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