I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
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I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
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How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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