She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
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when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
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Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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