come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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