Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
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I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
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I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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