Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize