Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
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