This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
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Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
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I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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