Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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