theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
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How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
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i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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