Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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