70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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