cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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