i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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