she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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