My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
im holly from the hills drunk
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize