Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
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No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
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When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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