i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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