That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize