I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
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There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize