You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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