READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
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What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
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Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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