I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
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my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
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Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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