I think I won the penis lottery.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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