I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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