i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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